Early Bird Bulletin

Thursday, July 10th 2025

• TERRITORY DISPUTE. 2 house wrens spotted fighting over birdhouse with leaky roof
• Interview with 2 plump leopard slugs under cardboard box. Reporter compares slug slime to "Permanent egg whites on the fingers"
• CANCELED? Mama house sparrow feeds juvenile seeds from ashtray

Early Bird Bulletin

Friday, July 11th 2025

• ATTEMPTED MURDER? 3 hens take turns picking up, kicking, pecking, and throwing screaming mouse across yard. Zero remorse. Unfortunately really funny.
• HENSBIANS? DO THEY EXIST? Wilma was spotted sitting huddled up in the hen house this morning with Miss Broody.Could it be love?
• NEW STRUCTURES TO THE YARD. Bird bath and suet block have been set up in yard. Foreman claims birds should be arriving within the next week, and he's excited to see it. Sources say the bird bath is not very stable and needs better ground anchorage. Sources can suck my dick.
• TRAPPED WASP PART OF MYSTERY NEST? A helpless and doofy looking wasp has been seen trapped in the dayroom, witnesses speculate the wasp may be a member of the new nest being built near the doorway. The wasp has been described as very skinny, with black and brown gradients all over the body, brown little stick legs, and long dark rectangle wings. Experts will be consulted soon.
• THROWBACK THU....FRIDAY In the 1950s, North America almost lost all 3 species of bluebird (Eastern, Western, and Mountain) due to extensive use of pesticides and wiping out habitats. Apparently a bunch of "bluebird enthusiasts" constructed and placed nesting boxes all over the country and they were saved and are currently no longer in danger thanks to those efforts! Thank you bluebird enthusiasts. I love you.
• CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF..ICED CORN? Panting hens and ducks everywhere marveled at the sight of frozen corn and squash raining from the palms of their local stalker.
  Wilma, a resident hen, states "She gave me a whole cube. All the other girls got pieces. I don't even know what to do with a whole cube of frozen corn. I took a few pieces off of it but I was mostly confused."
  Rachel Cooper, another resident and designated investigator, states "None of us were really into the squash, I don't know who this deer bird thing thinks she is? She just started showing up in the morning and doing things around the coop The Caretaker would, but sort of wrong. It took her a while to deduce that we prefer the frozen corn broken apart into smaller pieces, but she figured it out thankfully. Most of the girls have been panting lately in the heat so I'm sure they appreciated it." A local duck had this to say. "Fuuuuccvkkk i love squash oh my god AND CORN?? its raining food. I'm so happy. My tail can't stop wiggling."